Believe It or Not

I found out something today. At hindi maganda. At hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong gawin o may dapat nga ba akong gawin. That is why I need to pan my vision into something else! And that something else is this:

Just a random butterfly that flew into our random wall one fine random morning. I haven’t seen anything like it. It’s different. And I don’t what it is. Of course it’s a butterfly but which one, there’s a hundred or thousand kinds of them. I don’t think this is a lost soul either. I hope it was but I don’t think so. There was nothing that felt creepy or whatev. Anyone na may alam kung anong butterfly to? Comment please! A couple more:

So to ultimately pan my vision from this something that I recently knew about someone who I can’t help but be so judgmental about and I’ve been wanting this to go away from me, how about this?

Hahaha! F/39. I love that combination! Yay it works! Now I’m into my happy place. Plus this tiny cute one!

Hehe!

It’s not yet Over

I’m here, wide awake again. This fear is something I call a friend, hello again. It’s been a while since I saw you here. I don’t remember you saying goodbye. No, it don’t matter it’s over. Here I’ve been waiting all my life, all this time. It don’t matter it’s over. Here I’ve been waiting all my life, all this time. Here we go, jump to the stars above. So low, why do I fall to love? Hello my love. This voice never called your name, this boy would never be the same. No, it don’t matter it’s over. Here I’ve been waiting all my life, all this time. It don’t matter it’s over. Here I’ve been waiting all my life, all this time. Don’t let it end up this way, don’t spend another night afraid. Don’t let it end up this way, hey. No, it doesn’t matter it’s over. Here I’ve been waiting all my life, all this time. It doesn’t matter it’s over. Here I’ve been waiting all my life, all this time. I’m here, wide awake again.

Why is Matthew Scannell so fond of shoveling someone else’s insides? I just want to…

It’s Over - Vertical Horizon

Hehehe.

Appetizer

When was the last time you had your hair cut/trimmed?

~ Wow talk about haircuts! Let me tell you a story. I just had a haircut last monday. I’ve been telling myself that I shouldn’t get a haircut until August but I don’t know what barged into my head and decided to have an impromptu. The thing was, my haircutter was not in the salon that day (and I didn’t even bother to ask where he is) so I ended up with the wrong other haircutter. What I told was simple, just to get it trimmed and have layers in front (inspired by Phoebe’s haircut on Season 2 and Rachel’s on Season 3). When he started cutting my hair, it didn’t feel good already. There was something on the length of the hair that was being taken out of me. I swear, I was totally frozen the whole time I watched my crowning glory turn into just crowning. And I couldn’t even call it crowning even! My palms were sweaty, my face was stoned. And I didn’t have the time to complain or tell him that that wasn’t The Plan. And that’s just because I’m not that kind of haircutee. I was too chicken to tell him. So it turned out, I look like a chicken now. Horrible. Lots of layers. I don’t know what to call this style or if there was really a style like this. I even used to cringe whenever I see a girl who sports this kind of hair and now I’m that girl already. Blech. When I got home I told my mother about it and she said that our haircutter was not in the salon anymore. Oh, thank you very much! It turned out that he’s running some papers because he’ll be working abroad. Talk about meant to be. I really didn’t care about my hair until this year and when I did, here it is. I have no choice but to put it up most of the time. Can’t wait for it to grow back. My Crowning Glory is a Growling Story.

Soup

Name one thing you miss about being a child.

~ I don’t have an outstanding memory of my childhood ever since. But what I do miss about it is when me, my brothers and my other cousins used to be together. Now we rarely see each other because they’re all grown ups already. Them, not me. Hehe. My brother and my other cousin are both in Australia, my other cousin who’s still here, just passed her NCLEX exam and I bet it wouldn’t be that long and she’s gonna leave too and the rest of us who’s still here have work already. So little time to be together except for the rare birthday celebrations. Ahh.

Salad

Pick one: butter, margarine, olive oil.

~ Butter.

Main Course

If you could learn another language, which one would you pick, and why?

~ Definitely Spanish. I remember trying hard to learn Chavacano which the people on my mother’s side are so fluent at and I even used to have a list of words in a bond paper, opposite of which are their translations. If I’m not holding and memorizing it, it is pinned on the refrigerator for the purpose of reference. Haha. And that’s just because it’s the closest language to Spanish that I could have. Now I’m of legal age, all I still know is cumi ya? como? cosa el vianda? Hahaha.

Dessert

Finish this sentence: In 5 years I expect to be…

~ 26. Haha. Srsly? I don’t know. But maybe, I’m still staying for the same reason.. Hehehe.

Yeah-huh!

I feel like there were so many things that just happened the past week and this weekend.

About this thing that I’ve been carrying over my shoulder for almost 2 months, well, it’s not totally out of me yet. But after talking myself to it (and through it), it doesn’t feel like I’m carrying it as much as how it felt like I carried it big time back then. And by back then, I meant just last week. All I really needed was to think everything out loud. Even the littlest part that I kept and kept hidden, which I really didn’t want to call it like this but it’s also known as denial, I let them out. I laid them all out. I accepted some parts that I really didn’t want to but have to and even accepted the significant parts which I now prefer to call hurt.

You know how it is when someone is stabbed in a specific part of the body and at first you’re hurt because I think it’s psychological that you feel hurt when you see something that feels like hurt, but really you’re not that hurt. This was me. Used to be me. And then when you finally get to wear the great great cape of braveness, you decide to pull that stabber out of you. And it doesn’t matter if you go to a hospital to nurse it professionally or you just go for it and nurse it yourself. Not just because you’re out of blood or whatever, it’s also because you can’t live like that, with a stabber strategically injected into a specific part of your body? No you can’t. You have things to do too. You actually have a lot of things to do that doesn’t need so much of your bothering thoughts while doing those things that you have to do. And did I care to mention that there’s a lot of them?

Anyway, so you pull that cursed stabber out. This is the part where true hurt is felt. Of course your muscles sort of got used to that stabber that they kind of live with it inside, and now you’re pulling it out and when you’ve pulled it out, bloody bloody blood! Been there. Now all the hurt is out. But isn’t such a brave thing to do to accept all that hurt although it really really hurts? And although it hurt, after a while it felt good. Because the stabber is out thank you very much!

The thing is, there’s really no such thing as not meant to be or rather, wasn’t meant to be. People who thinks wasn’t-meant-to-be-ish just didn’t get what they wanted, how they wanted

And let me leave this, like this, for now.

You can tell I’m done changing my mind with my old-new skin. Hehe.

At Last.

Part of the fantasy of every betrayed person is that one day, the person who hurt you will come back and answer all your questions and apologize for hurting you. But the thing is, they won’t. They’ll die a liar and will feel good about themselves. That’s how selfish they are. They can’t give you closure, you have to find it yourself. You get angry with them. Then you get over them. Bless them in your mind and have peace with yourself. When or if that person comes back, you can say ‘hi’ and ‘goodbye’ in the same sentence.

~ Oprah

Intense

Wehehehehe! Bashing Time!

Haha. Kakatawa! Ano? Weh! Haha. Patigasan ba? Ayos! Hahaha. Actually, hindi talaga masaya, nakakatawa lang! Haha. Yung tipong belat! Haha! Ang dali ko pa namang kausap. Laos na ang bitter bitteran! Dedma kung dedma! Ahaha!

Hehe! Wala lang. It’s good to know that it wasn’t meant to be. It won’t happen. Ako lang eh masyadong nasanay sa pelikula, nangarap ng unusual, hindi naman pala talaga nangyayari sa RL. Fiction ka! Fiction!!! Haha! Natatawa na talaga ko. Tara disco tayo mamen! haha! I’ll make sure that when you’re already the one who’s there, I won’t be there! Testing lang natin, haha! Pag masaya, good! Pag muka lang masaya, better!!! Hahaha, great even!

It’s time to use my pride naman, nangangalawang na eh, hehe! At narealize ko, it isn’t and it wasn’t a mandatory thing to forget! Araw araw ko pang isasavor every moment. Tribute ko na sa’yo yun! Eto ka kasi eh oh! Eto ka! Hahaha!

You know what? I don’t deserve this. And I’m not saying that I’m a special kind of person to deserve something. It’s just that, I didn’t ask for anything back. Yes, I expected, but it was more likely a wish that I thought was coming true. But then it wasn’t. It’s okay not to be reciprocated, hindi ako namimigay para makatanggap. Appreciation is glory.

Ingat! ~ Andrea Simoune

Wow. The emotion is so thick I could touch it!

Smelly Cat, It’s not your fault!

Appetizer

What is the weather like today where you live?

~ Boring. You know the sun is there but you can’t see it because of the clouds, and they’re not even the fluffy ones. In short, the sky is gray. Bleh.

Soup

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how career-minded are you?

~ Srsly? 5.

Salad

What type of window coverings do you have in your home? Blinds, curtains, shutters, etc.?

~ Curtains. But they don’t cover the windows, they cover the walls.

Main Course

Name something that instantly cheers you up.

~ Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan and her Smelly Cat!

Dessert

How many times do you hit the snooze button on a typical morning?

~ Once. Or Twice.

You have no idea.

I really don’t like when numbers become a significant basis of any kind of relationship to last. I don’t practice that actually. I don’t know, I just don’t believe that if you already know a person this long, you should be able to know the person this much. And when you just knew a person this short, you shouldn’t be so comfortable with the person this much.

I don’t think there was ever a constant line or track that every relationship should follow. It just varies along with people who are in it. There’s this person whom I’ve known for less than ten years now. The first couple of years was good, then the next couple of years felt something like running with the person and the next thing you know you’re still running, and the person is just walking now. Why can’t I keep the person running? Or maybe the question is, why does this person don’t want to run with me now? Well maybe, the person isn’t really walking that slow, maybe the person is just jogging, just want to keep a pace of his own. His, meaning, in general. What a strange, so strange that there are times that the person could pass off as a stranger to me already. One second you know him and the next one you don’t. At all.

Then there this another person whom I’ve known for more or less five years now. He’s okay, at the first two years. Then a series of fortunate/unfortunate events happened, and I never, at all, did expect that a sense of comfort this strong would suddenly emerge from such..

And then there’s this one person whom I didn’t have any plans knowing of. Period. The person even thanked me for the YEARS we’ve spent together when all we have in our palms is a good ten months of knowing/not knowing each other. Until this moment, I wonder if he said that on purpose to say that it felt like knowing me for years when all we really had was just months, or was it a subconscious thing that you do sometimes when you feel good about something that you actually tend to forget some of the vital information just because you’re so into it. Months passed, I knew him well, but it seems that he was the one who didn’t know me.

I guess you will never know a person until, you do.

Ola!

Appetizer

If you could live on another continent for 1 year, which one would you choose?

~Wow! Hmmmm.. I want to say Asia, but since I’m living THE life in it already, I say South America! I prefer nature over museums and showbiz. I think I wouldn’t have much time to be homesick there because I’d feel domesticated with how the people and the places look in some countries there.

Soup

Which browser do you use to surf the Internet?

~Mozilla.

Salad

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how much do you know about the history of your country?

~6? Hehe.

Main Course

Finish this sentence:  Love is…

~ Teh Reason.

Dessert

Have you ever been in or near a tornado?

~ Not yet. And I don’t wish to be near one either.

One Word

I’m so into what you giving and it feel so good to me. You’re beautiful and critical, it’s hard to live without you, baby. When I wake up in the morning all I want to see is you, heaven’s blessing that He sent me unconditional and true. Girl you mean the world to me and I hope you understand, I will give you anyhthing and I’ll do the best I can to make you see what I see. One word is all I need to say exactly how I feel. One word, a single word that’s from the heart and keeps it real. One word, and baby I know this one fits you to a tee. One word, all I can say is.. Amazing.

Always there when i was going through all kinds of changes. You kept me lifted, said I’m gifted and you know I’m gonna make it. So when you’re tired and frustrated you can always count on me. Girl I love ya and I want ya to know I’ll be all you need. Girl you gave the world to me and you made me understand, you would give me anything and you do the best you can. You are what I hope to be.

One word is all I need to say exactly how I feel. One word, a single word that’s from the heart and keeps it real. One word, and baby I know this one fits you to a tee. One word, all I can say is.. Amazing. One Word. I just want to celebrate you, baby and thank the Lord for sending you down to me. And your love is the reason why I believe. You’re amazing, so amazing, just amazing to me.

Didn’t really bother when this song played on the radio during the time that it was a current single. It was really just a passerby along the street. Sure I can hum to its melody every now and then but I didn’t really had the time to stop and listen to the words (the reason why I tend to like a song in a much much later time), until last Tuesday, Chico’s birthday, when Delle played this song for him. The sunlight was warm, I just finished breakfast and was just sitting while I listened to the words. I wonder why I haven’t paid this song enough attention. It’s good. The words are simple and mundane, but hey! they’re warm, real and it fits to anyone (like a tee, hehe).

*sigh*

One Word. Download.